Every day starts in a panic. I open my eyes and suddenly remember youve gone. I have to accept all over again that you will not be back. I go through the days remembering things we did together. the coversations that we had. The things we spoke about in detail. The things we laughed about. I tell Eddie what you were like. I tell him how proud I am to have had such an amazing brother. I smile at laugh at the memories. I look forward to going to bed, because I know I will dream of you again. Sometimes the dreams are hard, but mostly - its of happy times. Hearing your laugh is so comforting. Even just hearing you speak, telling me stories. I could sleep forever. But then I wake up, and the panic sets in again. I guess I just have to take one day at a time. Taking comfort from the fact that one day I will join you wherever you are. And that, without a doubt, is better than any heaven x x x x